If You Were Mine Read online

  Even though he doesn’t make a big deal out of it, I still notice when he twists the lock before leaning his body against the door and staring silently at me. As his eyes continue holding mine, a little prickle of unease begins to dance at the bottom of my belly. I’m kind of wishing he had left the door open.

  Or, at the very least, not locked us in.

  As soon as those thoughts hit me, I immediately dismiss them before wrapping my arms around my middle. His lips slink up into a smile before he finally pushes away from the door, sauntering slowly past me to the desk on the other side of the room.

  As he leaves the door, everything within me instantly deflates. I can’t help but chastise myself for being a ninny. What exactly did I think was going to happen? But still, I feel better now that he’s no longer barring the only way out of the room.

  Opening the middle drawer, he pulls out something before closing his fist around it. Then he’s turning towards me. Placing both hands behind his back.

  No one has ever bought something for me. And I don’t think Owen Mathers sliding a ring pop on my finger for Valentine’s Day in third grade counts either. Although he was very sweet and we were together for one whole recess.

  “I saw this and thought of you.”

  As he says those words, he holds his hand out in front of him before opening his fingers. Something shiny and metallic catches my eyes as it drops from his fingers before catching and dangling in the air between us.

  Stepping closer, I reach out, gently picking up the pendant in the shape of a C on a thin gold chain. Along the outline of the letter are sparkly gems. They could be tiny diamonds or some other little glittery stones.

  I don’t really care.

  The necklace is absolutely stunning.

  My eyes arrow to his in surprise.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, my voice full of awe, “it’s beautiful. You didn’t have to buy me anything.”

  The smile on his face continues to brighten. “I wanted to. I really like you, Claire. I hope you know that.”

  His soft words leave everything melting inside me.

  Ryan really is a good guy.

  “Turn around, and I’ll put it on you.”

  A huge smile blooms across my face as I give him my back before gathering up the long strands of my hair. His fingers brush against my bare neck as he sets the C gently against my chest before clasping the lock. It takes him a few attempts to get it. Just as I’m about to release my hair, he presses his lips against the column of my exposed neck. The gesture sends goose bumps skittering down my spine.

  “It looks good on you,” he whispers, placing another lingering kiss against my flesh.

  Sucking in a deep breath, my eyes feather closed as he continues licking and nipping his way across my shoulder. Then his arms are banding around me, pulling me closer. That’s when I feel his erection pressing against my lower back.

  “I want you so much, baby.”

  I gulp, wanting that too. Not because he just gave me a beautiful piece of jewelry but because Ryan is the right one. At least the right one for now. And tomorrow I’m going to show him that.

  Slowly his hands slide from my hips up my sides until they’re able to cup my breasts. The unexpected movement has the breath catching at the back of my throat. When I don’t protest, he gently starts kneading them. When I still don’t say anything, his hands glide down my belly before slipping under my T-shirt and arrowing right back up to my breasts. Then his fingers are delving into the silky material of my bra until he’s able to cup my naked flesh in his warm palms. Growling in my ear, he continues fondling me.

  Even though I’m not sure about letting him go much further, what he’s doing feels good. His lips are still nipping at my neck as his fingers continue stroking my breasts. Every once in a while, he plucks at my stiffened peaks. I still hear the music from downstairs and the voices, but with the door closed, it’s muffled.

  As his mouth works its way up the side of my neck before trailing across his my cheek, I turn my head until his lips are able to find my own. Then his tongue is plunging into my mouth. I have no idea just how long we stand there kissing. In fact, I don’t even realize that we’ve moved until he’s breaking the kiss and my back is hitting the mattress as he falls on top of me. Almost instantly his tongue plunges inside my mouth again. Rocking his hips, his erection grinds against my pelvis.

  A few more moments pass before Ryan rips his mouth away just long enough to mutter, “God, but I want you. I’m tired of waiting, Claire. Aren’t you?”

  Apparently, that question is more rhetorical in nature because he doesn’t give me a chance to answer before his lips are once again crashing back down onto mine. Only this time, it’s more demanding. Certainly more demanding than what I’m used to when we’re together.

  Yes, Ryan can be a bit pushy at times, but I’ve never felt like I was being overpowered. And I’m not completely sure I feel that way now. But I want him to slow down a bit. Everything is starting to feel frenzied. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to stop him. I just need to feel as if I have some control over the situation and right now, it’s slipping through my fingertips.

  Which leaves me feeling panicky.

  When his fingers slide over the button of my jeans, flicking it open before tugging down the zipper, I know I have to say something. Before I’m even able to open my mouth, his hand is slipping inside my underwear. As his fingers touch me, I twist my head away, so that he’s no longer kissing me. The words come pouring out of my mouth in a rush, “Ryan, you need to slow down.”

  Instead of answering, he tries finding my lips again, but I turn my face all the way to the side. His weight suddenly feels heavy. Too heavy. I push at his chest. I just want him off me. I can’t suck in a full breath with his big body pinning me to the mattress.

  I feel like we both got carried away and we need to take a moment to rein it back in again. I’m not about to lose my virginity at some frat house. It’s not like I’m expecting to be whisked away for a romantic weekend at some over the top bed and breakfast in the country where there’s champagne, candlelight, and a roaring fire. But it sure as hell isn’t going to be at some crazy toga party where there are literally hundreds of drunk people downstairs.

  His fingers bite into my cheeks as he swivels my face towards him. His eyelids are at half-mast. I see just how turned on he is.

  His voice is deep and low, strained at the edges as if he’s already annoyed with me. “What’s the problem, Claire?”

  Trying to buy just a little bit of time, I inhale another shaky breath, needing to slow everything that is crashing through my body. I wish I could say that it’s lust and longing that are rushing through me right now, but it’s not.

  I feel trapped.

  Like I can’t breathe.

  He hasn’t moved, and I can tell by the expression on his face and the tone of his voice that he wants to continue messing around. I’m just afraid that if we do, he’s not going to want to stop. And I don’t want to go too much further than this. His hand down my pants is far enough.

  “There’s no problem,” I lie softly. Even though I try to keep my voice from wavering, it still does.

  The edges of his lips slide upwards as he continues staring down at me. Slowly lowering his mouth to mine, he kisses me gently before pulling back again. “Good. I’m tired of holding back. Aren’t you?” He thrusts his hips into my pelvis so that I feel the hardness of his cock against me. “Doesn’t that feel good? Don’t you want me inside you?”

  His words send little alarm bells ringing throughout my head.

  “Yes,” I gulp, “but not tonight.”

  He rocks against me again as his lips drop to mine. When I twist my head away, his mouth lands on my cheek instead. I feel his warm breath feathering against me as he starts licking and sucking at my skin.

  “You’re so beautiful, Claire. I’ve wanted you since freshman year. Three years I’ve been after you. And I’m tired of waiting.” His e
yes bore into mine. “I’ll make it good for you, babe. I promise. You just have to trust me.”

  And just like that, my fight or flight response kicks in. Using all my strength, I push against his chest, trying to dislodge him. But he doesn’t budge. Ryan may not be a mountain of muscle, but he’s still strong.

  Much stronger than I am.

  “I can’t breathe, Ryan,” I gasp. “Get off me.”

  He tries soothing me with quiet words. “You just need to relax, baby. I’m not going to hurt you.”

  But it doesn’t work. He’s not listening to me at all. Realizing that I’m stuck and he can do whatever he wants, panic sets in. Calm down, Claire. You need to calm down and think. Getting crazy isn’t going to help this situation.

  “Please, Ryan, just get off me. I need a few minutes to think.”

  “Shhh, what you need to do is relax. You should have had a few more drinks. I think it would have loosen you up a bit. You’re making this way more difficult than it has to be.” As he says those words, his hand delves back into the front of my jeans. And then I feel his finger pushing inside me.

  He chuckles. It’s low and deep, full of triumph. “See?” He thrusts into me again. “You’re already wet for me.” Leaning down he kisses me on the mouth. “I knew you wanted this. You’re just nervous because you’re still a virgin. But I promise, I’ll be careful. You just have to calm down and let this happen.”

  No, no, no, no, no!

  I don’t want this happening.

  And certainly not like this.

  I squeeze my eyelids tightly together. I’m not sure what to do. He’s too heavy for me to budge from his position on top of me. And I feel… confused, not to mention, mortified because he’s right.

  I am wet.

  He didn’t have any problem sliding his finger inside me.

  But I don’t want this anymore.

  Maybe, in the beginning, I wanted his kisses and I was enjoying the way he was touching my breasts, but I don’t want to have sex with him. No matter if my body is telling a different story or not. I just want to get the hell out of here. Feeling paralyzed, I lay there beneath him as Ryan continues to rhythmically thrust his finger inside me.

  “You’re so fucking tight, baby. God, but I can’t wait to bury my cock deep inside you.”

  Even though I want to scream, I continue sucking in breath after breath, trying to come up with a way to slow him down. To get him off me. When I finally come up with a plan, I lay there for another moment, allowing myself to relax into the mattress. I stop trying to dislodge him as he continues stroking me. Almost immediately Ryan notices the change in my behavior.

  “See?” The arrogant note filling his voice sets my teeth on edge. “That feels good, baby, doesn’t it? You want more of that?”

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  “Widen your legs. I need to stretch you a little bit more. I’m pretty big. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I have to.”

  Right…

  That comment almost has me rolling my eyes because I’ve touched his penis. Several times, in fact. And I didn’t find him to be gargantuan or anything like that.

  Even though I don’t necessarily want to, I spread my legs as he thrusts two fingers inside me before scissoring them, slowly moving them in and out. There’s a little bit of a burn, but it’s not altogether unpleasant.

  “I can’t wait to taste your pussy on my lips.”

  Since I’m not sure exactly how to respond to that comment, I don’t say anything at all. Luckily he doesn’t seem to be looking for a response.

  After a few more minutes slip by, I ask, “Do you have a condom?”

  Pulling away, he stares down at me with lust-filled eyes. “Yeah, in my desk drawer. I’ll get it.”

  And just like that, he’s off me.

  As soon as his heavy weight disappears, I suck in a huge gulp of air before quickly zipping up my jeans and rolling from the bed in one swift motion. Shutting the drawer, Ryan looks back towards me with a condom clutched tightly in his hand. For just a minute, he seems confused as to why I’m no longer sprawled out on the bed. He was probably hoping that I would have already shimmied out of all my clothes.

  Asshole.

  “Claire?” His eyes narrow as if only now realizing that he’s been tricked.

  Tearing the necklace from my throat, I hurtle it in his direction. Even when it goes whizzing past his head, his eyes never deviate from mine.

  “I told you to stop,” I accuse, “and you wouldn’t.”

  Looking irritated but not remorseful, he drags a hand through his disheveled sandy brown hair. “Are you being serious right now? I mean… really?”

  I jerk my head in response.

  What does that even mean?

  He folds his arms across his chest. “How long do you really expect me to wait? I’ve been more than patient with you, Claire. You’re twenty-one years old.” His eyes harden into icy chips. “It’s not like you’re fifteen, for god’s sake. You really need to grow up. This behavior shows just how immature you still are.”

  Eyes flaring wide, I take a step towards him before slamming a finger into my chest. “I decide when I’m ready to have sex. Not you. Me.”

  His appearance is one of boredom. “I’m tired of waiting,” he says by way of explanation. “And I’m really tired of jacking off in the shower.”

  His lack of regret is almost disturbing.

  “I don’t want to see you again,” I say quietly.

  “Fine.” He shrugs his shoulders as if he couldn’t care less. And maybe he doesn’t.

  Not saying another word, I spin towards the door, unlocking it before disappearing out into the hallway. Then my feet are pounding down the carpeted stairs. The need to get out of this house and away from Ryan whips through me. Stopping halfway down, I survey the thick crowd of students. Most are dressed in sheets or Greek costumes like Holly. In the dim lighting, everyone looks the same.

  Pulling my phone from my pocket, a little slip of paper falls out with it. Reaching down, I scoop it up before opening it.

  Ugh.

  JT’s number.

  The one he shoved into my pocket before I left the coffee shop the other day. Even though I should just wad it up and throw it into the crowd, I don’t. Instead, I find myself pushing it back inside my pocket before opening up my home screen and firing off a quick text to Holly. The guy manning the staircase lets me pass. Then I’m pushing and shoving my way through the thick crowd, craning my neck, searching for her.

  When a couple minutes slowly slide by, and I still don’t hear from Holly, I try calling instead. After four rings, it goes to voicemail. Disconnecting, I try one more time. Again it goes to voicemail. I’m sure Holly is around here somewhere, but I have no idea where that could be. The Delta Sig house is a sprawling old building, and it looks as though the party has spilled out into the backyard.

  At this point, I just want to get out of here. I don’t want to run into Ryan. I’m liable to deck that asshole right in the face if I do. But I can’t just take off. Holly drove us here in her car, and our apartment is a good two miles away. There’s no way I can walk home alone at this time of night.

  And calling Liam is out of the question.

  He’ll only end up grilling me relentlessly and I don’t want him finding out what happened with Ryan. Which means that I can’t call Gia either because she won’t keep something like this from her husband. Not that I blame her, but that doesn’t necessarily help solve my predicament.

  Feeling frustrated, I blow out a breath.

  So who does that leave?

  Angie.

  Maybe she can-

  Oh. Wait. Angie was going to visit her boyfriend at UW- Madison this weekend. She left yesterday.

  Shit.

  Shit!

  I look around, searching the face of every single person in the vicinity. At this point, I’ll take anyone who looks even remotely familiar. But there’s no one.

  So I’m stuck.


  Sucking in another deep breath, my shoulders collapse as I tip my head back before staring blindly up at the white-painted ceiling. Even though I don’t want to, I pull out the wadded up paper from my pocket.

  JT is the absolute last person I want to call right now. But I’m fresh out of options. I can’t stay here. Cringing, I tap in the numbers and wait for it to ring. He’s probably out. Or he won’t recognize my number. I never pick up unless I know who’s calling.

  “’Lo?”

  My eyes widen in surprise. For just a moment, my mind goes blank as the breath stalls in my throat.

  “Hello?”

  I shake my head before clearing my throat uncomfortably. “JT?”

  Almost instantly his voice changes. Every drop of laziness disappearing. “Claire?”

  I blow out another long slow breath before getting straight to the point. “Would it be possible for you to pick me up?”

  I expect him to rapid fire some questions at me.

  He doesn’t.

  Instead, he says, “Text me the address. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  Even though he can’t see me do it, I nod my head as relief floods through every nuance of my body.

  When I say nothing, he snaps, “Claire?”

  “Yeah, sorry. I’ll text it right now.”

  He pauses. In a softer voice, one filled with concern, he asks, “Are you okay? Are you safe?”

  Again I nod before glancing around the party that continues to rage around me. “I’m fine. I just need a ride home.”

  Something instantly loosens in his voice. “I’m getting into my car right now.”

  “Alright. I’ll wait outside.”

  Hanging up, I text the address. Just as I’m firing off the message, a strong hand wraps around my arm before spinning me around.

  Chapter Fourteen

  JT

  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so jacked up in my life. Not even the first time I walked out onto the field in Green Bay did I have a pit the size of a lemon sitting in the bottom of my gut.

  I have no idea what’s going on.