If You Were Mine Read online

  For just one moment, her announcement is met with utter silence. Kind of like the calm before a storm. I swear, as soon as those words leave her lips, every single pair of eyes swivel towards me as I continue staring at her.

  “Bye, JT.” Smirking, she gives me a little wave with her fingers before disappearing out the glass door and onto the street.

  “I knew it! I just knew that was JT Higgins!”

  And then all hell breaks loose as every single person in the coffee shop converges on me.

  Chapter Twelve

  Claire

  Ohhhh, the nerve of that guy!

  Telling me to break up with Ryan just so I can sleep with him instead! I’m surprised he even wanted me to break up with my boyfriend. It’s not exactly like he wants me for himself. He just wants to…

  To…

  To pop my cherry.

  I almost flinch as that disturbing thought slides through my head.

  Men are pigs.

  Hmmm. Maybe it’s just JT who is the pig.

  I’ll make it good for you.

  I almost snort. Well… I don’t doubt that. After experiencing his kisses firsthand, I wholeheartedly believe that JT is extremely well versed at sex. And pleasure.

  But still…

  There’s no way I can sleep with him.

  More than that, I don’t want to.

  I may not have much experience in regards to sex, but I know enough to realize that men and women are very, very different. We think about sex differently. Men can pick up a random woman at a club, sleep with her, and never think about her again.

  Women… well, most of them, don’t operate that way. There usually has to be some sort of emotional connection for a woman to sleep with a man. For us, it’s not just a biological function. An itch that needs to be scratched.

  I’m not saying all women think that way, but a good many of them do.

  Exactly how many times has one of my friends cried on my shoulder because she hooked up with some dude at a party, who then wouldn’t give her the time of day when she ran into him on campus?

  Way too many times.

  And I know myself.

  I can’t sleep with someone and then move on the next day without a second thought. Not only don’t I have that kind of sexual experience under my belt, but I’m just not built that way. I always pictured that my first time would be with someone I cared about. Someone who cared about me in return. I’m not delusional enough to think that I’m going to marry the first guy I sleep with but, I’d like there to be some kind of affection between us.

  Something meaningful.

  And the feelings I have for JT are definitely not like that.

  “He really said that to you?”

  Holly looks just as stunned, if not amused, as I’m currently feeling.

  “Yeah, he really did.” It’s mind boggling, right? This isn’t just me overreacting because I’m inexperienced… right?

  Holly, who has a lot more knowledge when it comes to the opposite sex, even shakes her head in slo-mo. Which makes me feel better. “So what are you going to do?”

  What am I going to do?

  Ummm… nothing.

  That’s what I’m going to do.

  “Well, I started off by telling him that I never wanted to see him again and then I ended it by sicing a bunch of crazed fans on him. I’m thinking that drove home the point in regards to where I stand on the issue.”

  Pursing her lips, she raises a dark brow. “Do you really think so? This is JT Higgins we’re talking about. He doesn’t strike me as a guy who’s easily deterred.”

  Holly has tagged along with me to a few parties over the years. She’s met JT. And drooled over him. Knowing Holly, she probably even threw herself at him a time or two. I wouldn’t put it past her. She’s a flirt.

  “Honestly?” Her eyes lock on mine. “I’d be surprised if he just dropped it.”

  My shoulders fall just a bit as her words churn inside my head. She’s probably right about that but still…

  All I have to do is mention one little word to my brother about JT harassing me, and the guy would be in traction for the rest of the season. Although that’s the last thing I want to do. I’m perfectly capable of handling my own issues. I don’t need my big brother swooping in and solving my problems for me. Which is precisely why I never told Liam about all the times JT has propositioned me. I’m trying to get Liam to ease up. To give me a little space, a little more independence. The last thing I need to do is rile him up.

  Plus, it was never that big of a deal.

  And it certainly isn’t one now. I won’t let it be. My plan is to continue ignoring him just like I’ve always done. I’m sure sooner or later he’ll get the hint and move on.

  “Once I sleep with Ryan, JT will lose interest.”

  Well… that’s my hope.

  I just wish he had never kissed me. I hate that it’s always there rattling around in the back of my head. And that I’m constantly comparing Ryan to JT. Every time I do, Ryan somehow comes up lacking.

  My roommate doesn’t look nearly as confident about that statement as I’m feeling. “I don’t know, Claire.” She glances down at the toenails she’s carefully painting. Her brows are furrowed in deep concentration. “Kind of seems like he has a thing for you.”

  The words aren’t even out of her mouth before I’m shaking my head in denial. “I think what you meant to say is that he has a weakness for sleeping with anything with a vagina.”

  Grinning, she glances up from her handiwork. “Well, I can’t deny that but still…” She pauses before sending me a sly look from beneath her lashes. “I’ve always thought there was a chance you two might get together.”

  I can only stare. Holly has never said anything of the sort to me. “What?” I practically sputter out the rest of the words. “Are you being serious right now?”

  Lifting her dark eyes, she pins me with them. “Yeah, I kind of am. He’s hot, and he wants you. And sometimes I think all that dislike you feel for him is longing you’ve channeled in another direction.”

  My jaw falls open. Because I’ve only recently started to suspect the very same thing myself. But I’ve certainly never said anything about it to Holly. Her intuition, if that’s what we’re calling it, is a little disconcerting.

  “Maybe what you really need to do is just go for it.”

  Pulling myself together, I finally ask, “Are you forgetting that I have a boyfriend?”

  “Nope, I’m not forgetting. Just wondering if he’s really the one you want to be with.” She shoots me a searching look from beneath her lashes. When I say nothing in response, she continues as if we’re simply making polite chitchat about the weather. “It’s okay if he’s not. You two haven’t been together all that long.”

  I really can’t believe she’s questioning me about this. Practically telling me that I should sleep with JT. Has she lost her mind? “Ryan is the only one I want,” I tell her staunchly. I’m not going to change my mind about this.

  She shrugs carelessly as if it doesn’t really matter one way or the other before her eyes immediately drop to the nails she’s polishing. “I just don’t want you thinking that you have to sleep with him if you’re having doubts. You’re not locked into it,” she adds softly.

  For just a moment I stand there in the middle of her room unsure exactly how to respond. All of a sudden it feels like Holly is trying to talk me out of having sex with Ryan. Is… that what’s going on here? Or am I misreading the situation? Her words leave me feeling confused.

  Why would she think that I’m having doubts? Or that I feel locked in? Of course, I can change my mind at any time. I know that. Sure, Ryan can be pushy sometimes, but ultimately, the decision is mine to make.

  I can’t help but reiterate, “I want to sleep with Ryan. In fact, I was planning on doing it this weekend.”

  Studying me for a long moment, she finally nods. “Okay. If you’re sure that’s what you want to do.”

&nbs
p; “I am.” I huff out an irritated breath. Honestly, I’m tired of thinking about this all the time. Overthinking it, actually. It seems ridiculous that so much of my time and energy is being focused on sex. Flopping onto her desk chair, I stare up at the ceiling. “In fact,” I reveal, “Ryan invited me to a party at his fraternity house Friday night. So I was planning on doing it Saturday.” Part of me just wants to get it out of the way so I can move on with my life. Maybe it’s not the best reason for wanting to have sex, but so what? I’ve waited this long. I’m tired of waiting. I just want it over with. And I’m sure Ryan will do the job nicely.

  “Ryan must be thrilled.”

  Feeling like we’re finally back on track with this conversation, I add, “He doesn’t know.” Mostly because I just decided this about sixty seconds ago.

  Screw JT.

  Well… Obviously, I will not be screwing JT.

  “I haven’t told him yet.”

  Talking out loud, I muse, “We can go out to dinner on Saturday and then come back here, and I’ll surprise him.” It sounds like as good of a plan as any. I just need to get this whole virginity thing out of the way.

  Her big brown eyes light up with an idea. “We should get you something sexy to wear.”

  I groan at the notion. It seems so… I don’t know. Unnecessary. “No. I don’t need anything like that.”

  Ignoring me, she says, “Yes, you do.” Putting the finishing touches on her fingernails, she waves her hands back and forth before blowing on them. “Just give me a minute to let these dry, and then we’ll run over to the mall. I bet we can find something Ryan will like over there.”

  Again I shake my head before whining, “Please, don’t make me go.”

  She laughs. “You’re going.” Then she gives me a little wink. “And if it doesn’t get used with Ryan, you can definitely use it on JT.”

  Just as I open my mouth to blast her, she laughs. “Just kidding! Come on, it’ll be fun.”

  Yeah… trying on sexy little scraps of lingerie doesn’t sound fun at all. In fact, it sounds downright painful.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Claire

  “Hey, babe!” Grabbing my hand, Ryan leans in before planting a kiss on my lips. It’s really nothing more than a quick brush of his mouth across mine. “Glad you could make it.” Looking happy and completely in his element, he glances around. “This place is crazy, right?”

  He’s not kidding. Their house is packed with people wearing sheets. Or togas. It’s totally cliché, but the first Delta Sig party of the year is always a toga party. I think they feel it heralds back to their origins or some nonsense like that.

  Ryan has a white linen sheet draped across his body that shows off his light summer tan and muscles rather nicely. I can’t say that he doesn’t look good. He does. He may not be built like JT but-

  I almost wince as that unwanted thought pops into my head.

  JT Higgins is the absolute last person I should be thinking about. Especially when I’m with Ryan.

  “So where’s your costume? You were supposed to dress up.” He looks bummed.

  I shrug, hoping that he’ll just let the whole thing drop. I’m sure if I told him about my plans for tomorrow night he wouldn’t utter another peep about me not being wrapped in linens. But I don’t, because I want it to be a surprise. Even now I feel nervous excitement coursing through me at what tomorrow will bring.

  And I did let Holly drag me to the lingerie shop in the mall, and I bought not one, but two wispy, ridiculous little scraps of material that reveal a whole heck of a lot more than they conceal.

  Which, Holly informed me, is the point.

  I’m not going to lie- trying them on, I actually did feel pretty sexy. The first one is a practically see-through pale pink confection that hugs my slender curves and has garters and a matching thong. The other one, because Holly insisted that I needed more than one, is a short black babydoll. It has silky black cups that conceal my breasts, and the rest is a sheer material that falls in gauzy waves to my upper thighs.

  I hold my arms up before glancing down at the simple outfit I picked out for tonight. “I’m pretty sure the ancient Greeks wore T-shirts and jeans.”

  He raises a skeptical brow before pulling me close and nipping at my neck. “I have a sheet or two upstairs.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. “How about I assist you with changing into something a little more appropriate?”

  I snort. “Nah, I’m good.” Somehow I doubt we would make it back down to the party if I allowed that to happen. Ryan has been ratcheting up the pressure for the last week or two. I know he’s tired of waiting. And I get it. Which is precisely why I have big plans for us tomorrow. Plans I know he’s going to enjoy.

  “Are you sure?” He gives me those heated bedroom eyes as if that will sway me.

  Because I know exactly what’s going through his head, I send a smug smile his way. “Yup, pretty sure.”

  “Hi, Ryan.”

  Holly, on the other hand, refused to leave the apartment until she was perfectly outfitted in something she picked up from the costume shop at the mall. I have to admit, she looks stunning. One shoulder has been left completely bare, and there is a gold braided rope cinched around her waist. Her long brown hair has been pulled up on both sides only to be left free to cascade over one shoulder. A woven golden band sits on her head like a crown. Gold eye shadow and golden-hued bronzer applied to her high cheekbones accent her face. Strappy gold sandals that lace their way up her calves complete the look.

  She’s a vision in gold and white.

  Since I spent more money than I’d anticipated on scrappy bits of lace, I opted out of wearing a costume for tonight’s festivities. Ryan may not appreciate that decision at the moment, but he will tomorrow night when he sees me in the black babydoll. That thought has another little prickle of nerves blooming in the pit of my belly.

  Rather comically, Ryan does a double take before his eyes slowly run down the length of my roommate.

  A lot of people here seem to have thrown sheets around themselves and voilà- they have an instant costume. But not Holly. That girl never half-asses anything. Even though Ryan’s eyes linger over her, it doesn’t bother me. Why would it? The three of us have been friends since freshman year, and he’s never paid her any more attention than he does other girls. For just a moment it makes me wish I had bothered dressing up instead of just throwing on a T-shirt and jeans.

  Pulling his eyes from my roommate, they once again settle on me. “How about a beer?”

  I glance at Holly with a raised brow. Although I don’t really have to ask. Holly likes to cut loose. Her social life has been way more active than mine. She’s better at balancing school and play than I am.

  “Sure, we’ll have one.”

  Tonight I’m going to have fun. I don’t go out very much and with classes just starting to gear up along with my student teaching placement, I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

  But I’m not a big drinker. Never have been. Growing up, my dad suffered from his share of alcohol related issues. And it took him a really long time to get them under control. Because of that, I’ve always been a little leery of the stuff. I saw just how much it controlled him. The bad choices he made and the things we ended up losing.

  Within minutes, Ryan returns with red plastic cups for the pair of us. Holly gives him a grin before tossing back half the drink. I take a small sip, trying not to wince as it goes down my throat. An hour later and Holly is completely immersed in a game of beer pong. Two of Ryan’s fraternity brothers are vying for her attention. Ryan is steadfast at my side. My hand is clasped in his as he drags me from room to room, greeting and talking with people along the way.

  When it’s finally just the two of us, he leans towards me, whispering, “I have a present for you.”

  “You do?” I can’t help the small smile that lights up my face. “Really?”

  A matching grin curves his lips upwards making him look especially handsome. “Y
eah, it’s upstairs.”

  Awww, that’s so sweet. He’s never given me anything before.

  See? Ryan really is a nice guy. And he likes me for me. He’s not the guy JT keeps trying to imply he is. Ryan wanting to date me has absolutely nothing to do with Liam or the team he plays for. Nor is he simply trying to get in my pants. That thought has me snorting because you know who is doing his best to get in my pants?

  Yeah… JT.

  Ironic, huh?

  He must think I’m a real idiot to fall for his smooth lines and smiles. What did he really think? That he could simply tell me that he wanted me and I would sigh before falling onto my back and spreading my legs for him?

  Not going to happen, buddy.

  Ever.

  Focusing my attention once again on Ryan, I smile happily before nodding. I’m glad that tomorrow will be the night. It’s going to be perfect. And not because he’s giving me a gift right now, but because we’ve spent the last three years as friends and the last two months going out, getting to know one another on a deeper level.

  So yeah, I finally feel ready for this.

  With my hand held firmly in his, we make our way towards the front of the house where the staircase is located that leads up to the second floor. The Delta Sig house is massive. There have to be about ten bedrooms upstairs and a few more in the basement. Because Ryan is a senior, he has a room all to himself. I’ve stopped by and hung out a few times. Although I normally try to avoid his bedroom because, in the past, he gets kind of handsy when we’re alone.

  There’s a pledge standing guard at the bottom of the curving staircase. Once he sees Ryan, he removes the rope before allowing us upstairs. As we climb to the second floor, the noise of the party raging below gradually fades. Okay, maybe it doesn’t fade away completely, but it’s no longer ringing in my ears.

  Ryan’s room is at the far end of the hallway. Taking out a small brass key, he unlocks the door before pushing it open, allowing me to enter first. Once I’m inside, he follows me in, closing the door behind him.