Don't Leave Read online

  Cole is the one I love.

  The only one I want to be with.

  Luke is nothing more than a friend. But I’m left wondering if perhaps I’m the one who has something to be concerned about. Cole hasn’t bothered to mention that his ex-girlfriend is now here at Western. Or that she was at the party tonight.

  Why is he keeping it from me?

  Sitting up, I quickly gather the sheet around my body. The fact that I was just bared so completely too him feels almost like another lifetime ago. How is it possible that all of the love and trust we managed to forge between us has disintegrated in the blink of an eye?

  Keeping my voice level, I try explaining, “I was feeling claustrophobic with the amount of people there and he saw that. He was only trying to help. That’s it.”

  Suddenly needing some space to breathe, I pull the sheets with me before collecting my small pile of clothing. Even though he hasn’t come right out and accused me of anything, that’s the way it feels.

  “Cassidy, come back here.”

  Just as his strong fingers wrap tightly around my upper arm, I jerk quickly out of his grasp.

  “Don’t!” Without thinking, I snap the word out before spinning away from him. I don’t like being grabbed. Even though I know Cole would never hurt me, it still makes my heart leap and my chest tighten.

  Looking defeated, he stares at me from the bed as I yank the tank top over my head before stepping into my shorts and sliding them over my hips.

  “Cassidy… I’m sorry.” His tone is low, almost pleading, “please. Don’t get upset. It just feels like he’s waiting for me to fuck up.”

  “It’s not like that,” I say with exasperation.

  With my back to him, I find a rubber band before gathering my hair up into a ponytail. I need this moment to calm everything that is raging within me. Squeezing my eyes tightly together, I take yet another deep breath trying to settle the chaos in my head.

  There are times when it feels as if everything will be okay. When the days slip by with no incidents at all and I hope and pray that I’ve experienced my last anxiety attack.

  But then something happens.

  And the feeling of being out of control yanks the rug right out from under my feet bringing everything, all of the progress I’ve steadily been fighting for, crashing down upon my head.

  And I have to wonder if I’ll ever be me again.

  The me who didn’t suffer from anxiety attacks.

  The me who didn’t think about being grabbed or manhandled by someone.

  The me who wasn’t bothered by huge crowds of people.

  That me… the normal one.

  Sometimes it feels like that girl died an ugly death last year for being young and stupid and making mistakes. Drinking and getting herself into a bad situation… one she almost didn’t come out of unscathed.

  Although I didn’t exactly come out of it unscathed, I remind myself. But it would have been so much worse if Luke hadn’t stepped in when he did.

  This me… the one that emerged from the wreckage… she’s more tentative. Scared. Nervous. Reserved.

  Sometimes I don’t think she’s ever going to get better. I’ve had ten months of therapy and where am I? Have I been miraculously cured?

  It makes me want to curl up into a tight little ball and cry for all that’s been lost. All I want is to feel normal again.

  Lost in the jumbled thoughts crashing around inside my head, I almost jump out of my skin when Cole’s arms band gently around me. Tenderly he kisses my bare shoulder before whispering, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He lays another sweet kiss against my skin. “You know I would never hurt you.”

  Inhaling more oxygen, I do a quick self-check. No tightening in my chest. No fighting for breath. I’m okay. Everything is okay.

  “You didn’t,” I lie because I want more than anything for that to be the truth.

  He presses yet another lingering kiss against the side of my neck. “I did and I’m sorry.”

  If I’m going to do this, I need to do it now. Blowing out a breath, I finally say, “I saw you with Jackie tonight. On the stairs.” Feeling him stiffen behind me, I turn in his arms so that I’m able to read the expression in his golden brown eyes. Cole has the most amazingly expressive eyes. I love that about him.

  “Oh.”

  Just as my eyes are searching his, his are carefully sifting through mine for answers to questions he has yet to ask. I realize with a sinking heart that we’re both keeping secrets.

  “She introduced herself when I was coming back from the bathroom.”

  His eyes lower as he quickly shoves a hand through his messy brown hair. The urge to tug all those thick chocolaty colored strands into place slams through me. But I don’t.

  His words are strung tightly together when he finally asks, “Did you two speak for long?”

  “Ten minutes or so.” But it was long enough.

  “What did she tell you?” Anger brims in his beautiful golden eyes.

  “She said that you two grew up together and were close friends before you started going out in high school.” I pause, my eyes locked on his. “And that you two were serious. Really serious.”

  “Yes,” he whispers hoarsely as if hearing the words is actually painful. “Did she tell you how it ended?”

  Biting down on my lower lip, I nod just once. “She cheated on you and… ended up pregnant.”

  I watch as Cole’s eyes completely shutter. It’s the strangest thing. To see someone who is always so open and unguarded with their expressions, become almost devoid of one. “There’s nothing between us, Cassidy. I haven’t seen her since before we broke up. She means nothing to me.”

  My hand comes up to softly stroke over his cheek. “She wants you back, Cole. Did she tell you that?”

  Shaking his head, his hand reaches up to still my fingers so that I am cupping the side of his face. “No.”

  “She realizes that she lost the best thing in her life and she wants it back. She wants you back.” I shake my head just a bit. “I can’t really blame her for that.”

  “Cassidy,” the closed off expression dissolves before being replaced by a fierceness I’ve never seen before, “I love you. Only you. She’s not going to come between us.” Then he pulls me towards him until we’re holding onto one another for dear life before he whispers against my hair, “And I won’t let Luke come between us either.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Gulping down fresh nerves, I ask, “Is it too late to cancel?”

  Cole squeezes my hand as his gorgeous golden eyes dart to mine across the close confines of his Mustang. There’s just a bit of humor sparkling within them. “Cassidy, you have nothing to worry about. They’re going to love you.” He gives me another little squeeze as if that alone is enough to reassure me. It’s not. “Promise.”

  Nibbling my lower lip, I can’t resist asking, “And what if they don’t?”

  Because at the moment, all I can imagine is his mom and stepdad hating me. Jackie’s words about having lunch with Cole’s mother snake their way through my head before nesting in a place where I can’t dislodge them. She’s probably hoping that Cole will get back together with his high school girlfriend. I can’t help but wonder if Jackie and his mother are still close.

  Unaware of the dark thoughts scampering through my head, Cole replies rather seriously, “Then I’ll probably end up dumping you.”

  Shocked, my wide eyes swing back to his before I realize that he’s joking. He chuckles as our eyes collide. “That sounds about right,” I finally mutter.

  “You know I’m kidding, right?” He shakes his head as if I’m making a big deal out of nothing. But I’ve never met a guy’s parents before. This is a new and I’ll admit it- scary situation to be in. Add in the ex-girlfriend who his family probably adores and disaster feels all but imminent.

  One of my dark brows wings up. “Are you?” I ask this with just a drop of acid seeping into my tone. I hate that
all my insecurities have a massive case of bitchiness flaring up within me.

  “Of course I am. I like you way too much to cut you loose at this point.” His twinkling eyes slide to mine once again before he winks. “You’re mine, Cassidy Jameson. And I won’t be letting you go anytime soon.” He flashes those damnable dimples at me because he’s caught onto the fact that they completely melt my heart.

  “You’re only saying that because you’re addicted to the sex.” Of course, who wouldn’t be? Sex with Cole is-

  “Hell yeah,” he cuts into my thoughts with a low rumble, “it’s damn good sex. Totally hot.”

  I can’t resist punching him in the bicep. But not very hard because he’s right. Sex with Cole is scorching hot. And I would much rather be in bed with him than meeting his parents for the first time.

  “Hey, I’m driving over here.” Then he drags my hand back onto his lap where he firmly holds on to it. “Everything will be fine. My mom has been dying to meet you for weeks now. And if I don’t bring you home soon, she’ll randomly pop over on a weekend morning.” He arches a brow in my direction. “Does that really sound like a good idea to you?”

  Since I’ve been spending the weekends crashing at Cole’s place, it sure as hell doesn’t sound like a good idea.

  “No,” I finally mutter, “I guess this is better.” But I’m still nervous. And even if Cole doesn’t realize it, Jackie feels like a specter sitting between us.

  Unaware of my thoughts, he brings my hand to his lips before brushing a soft kiss against my knuckles. “Definitely better. Plus, my mom’s a great cook. So, no matter how the afternoon turns out, at least you’ll get an awesome home cooked meal out of it.”

  That doesn’t really make me feel any better. “Super comforting. Thanks for that.”

  “I’m just teasing. You’ll see, everything will be fine.” His eyes flick to mine for a moment before he murmurs, “I promise.”

  But my brain is already spinning with all the ways this afternoon could go down in a burst of flames. And there are so many ways… Finally I mumble, “Maybe we need to have some sort of code word in case I want to leave early.”

  Eyebrows lifting, he repeats with a grin, “Seriously? A code word? What are we, like twelve?” He shakes his head as if I’m crazy.

  Which I’m not…

  Well, I don’t think I am…

  But the more I turn the idea over in my head, the more I like it. And it actually makes me feel less anxious knowing that I have an out if I need one. Kind of like an escape hatch. Yes, I am definitely liking this new plan I’ve come up with. “How about… Guggenheim.”

  He busts out laughing. “Guggenheim? Really?”

  I can’t help but fidget nervously with my jacket. “Well, it can’t be something common otherwise it could get confusing.” I give him a look that says- duh.

  “Right,” he drawls slowly, “That’s the problem with Guggenheim. Don’t you think you’re overreacting just a little bit?”

  I give him another look. “Um, no. Not at all.”

  A moment later he holds up his hand as if he’s surrendering. “You know what, Guggenheim it is.”

  Surprised that he’s giving in so easily, I turn towards him. “Really?”

  “Yep.” He stretches out the word so that it sounds more like Yeeeeep. “Because the last thing I need is for us to have a fight right before we get to my parent’s house. If the afternoon suddenly takes a turn for the worst, you’ll just have to find a way to work Guggenheim into the conversation. For example, you could say- Cole just made my Guggenheim feel super good… or- would either of you like to see my Guggenheim? It’s freaking gorgeous.”

  Even though he doesn’t bother glancing in my direction as he utters these ridiculous sentences, I see the edges of his mouth twitching up in amusement. “Okay? Does that work for you?”

  My eyes narrow until they’re practically slits. “I have two questions for you. One- are you really making fun of me at a time like this?” The closer we get to his house, the more jacked up my nerves become. “And two-” I tilt my head to the side before asking rather seriously, “You think my Guggenheim is freaking gorgeous?”

  He bursts out laughing again before his eyes slide back to mine. But the chuckles die away as those golden colored depths of his heat up. “Fucking gorgeous. Best Guggenheim I’ve ever seen.”

  The edges of my lips lift just a bit.

  Well alright then…

  His words are decidedly husky when he says, “And later on, I’m going to show you just how much I love your Guggenheim.”

  Before I can say anything more, he zips the car into a driveway.

  “We’re here.”

  Not making a move to exit the vehicle, I take a moment to study the house Cole grew up in. It isn’t all that different from my own childhood home. Large, brick two-story with huge white pillars in front. It’s a bit fancier, with maybe a little more square footage, but aside from that, the architectural style is very similar.

  For just a moment I’m almost able to see Cole as a nine or ten year old boy, winding up and taking slap shots in the driveway. The image brings just a hint of a smile to my lips because I bet he was adorable with his mop of unruly dark hair and golden brown eyes.

  So lost in thought, I’m actually surprised when he opens the passenger side door and holds his hand out for me to take hold of. “It’ll be fine, you’ll see.” He smiles, those dimples of his flashing and even though I’m nervous, my heart melts at the mere sight of them. God but I love those dimples of his.

  Oh, who am I kidding?

  I’m completely head over heels in love with the guy.

  Dimples or no dimples.

  Which is precisely why I agreed to this. I want to know more about Cole and his family. Meeting them today just re-solidifies that we’re taking this relationship to the next level. That we’re serious about one another.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I place my hand firmly in his as he helps me out of the Mustang. I hold a small bouquet of wild flowers we just picked up at a grocery store on the way over. I told Cole that I couldn’t show up empty handed. Not understanding my need to bring something, he promptly rolled his eyes but stopped nonetheless. Rather anxiously I stand behind Cole as he throws open the front door.

  “Hello?” He calls out as soon as we step inside.

  The house is oddly silent and even though it’s idiotic on my part, I send up a quick prayer that maybe his parents have forgotten about us getting together this afternoon and aren’t around. Foolish, I know. Just as my hopes are rising, they quickly burst into a big ball of flames when we hear someone slowly trudging up the basement steps.

  “Cole?” It’s a man’s voice. “Is that you?”

  “Yep, we just got here,” he hollers back as we continue waiting in the foyer. Unable to help myself, my eyes quickly slide around the entryway and the living room which is to the right of us. All of the furnishings are elegant and polished to a high shine. But there’s a warm, comfortable quality that makes it feel like home.

  I can totally picture Cole kicking up his feet and watching TV on the couch… or making out with his ex-girlfriend…

  I rip my eyes away from that mental image as an older man who looks to be about fifty or so walks into the foyer, his hand immediately stretches out towards me. A heartfelt smile curves his lips upward and it instantly eases my frazzled nerves.

  “Hi, you must be Cassidy. It’s nice to meet you. We’re so pleased you were able to join us for dinner today.” He pumps my hand so enthusiastically, so happily, that I’m unable to stop the small smile from creeping its way across my face. Then he turns his attentions to Cole and I’m able to watch as his stepdad claps him warmly on the back.

  Cole’s eyes dart around before settling once again on his stepfather. “Where’s mom?” Brows drawn together, he asks, “She isn’t here?”

  Looking slightly exasperated, Thomas runs a hand quickly through his thinning gray hair. “She got called into
work about thirty minutes ago. But you know your mother, she had everything prepared ahead of time or we’d be ordering a pizza. Everything should be ready in about an hour or so. And I imagine she’ll be back by then as well.” He waves us into the living room. “Come and sit down. Can I get either of you something to drink?”

  Cole takes the flowers from my hand. “Sit down, Thomas. I’ll put these in a vase and grab us a couple of waters.”

  His stepdad smiles after him and when he’s certain that Cole is in the kitchen rifling around in the refrigerator, Thomas leans towards me with a mischievous grin curving his lips upward as if we’ve been friends for years. And oddly enough, that’s exactly the way it feels. “So did you two come up with some kind of signal if this whole dinner-thing looks like its heading south?”

  Everything, including my heart, stops. I’m pretty sure my mouth has fallen open as well. “Um, no.” My face feels like it’s burning up.

  How could he have possibly guessed that?

  No… seriously.

  Then we hear Cole yell from the kitchen, “Guggenheim.”

  Unable to brazen this one out, I bury my face in my hands feeling totally embarrassed that he just outed me within five minutes of meeting his stepdad.

  I’m going to kill him.

  Thomas chuckles with unabashed glee as Cole finally returns to the living room sporting a wide grin. The fact that those adorable dimples of his have been set loose is probably what saves him from being a crime scene victim later on this evening.

  Giving him the evil eye, I mutter under my breath, “I hope you enjoy the dinner your mom made because it’s going to be your last.”

  His chest rumbles with barely suppressed laughter as he offers me a bottle of water. As I yank it from his hand, he leans over, pressing a soft kiss against my lips. I feel the curve of his smiling mouth against mine as he whispers, “Don’t be mad, I’ll make it up to you later.”

  Then he actually winks at me.

  In front of his stepdad.

  Could I be more embarrassed?

  I don’t think so.

  “You won’t be able to make anything up to me later because you’ll be dead.” I grumble the words all the while trying to push his big body away from me. Apparently my death glare has zero effect on Cole because he plunks himself down practically on top of me before grabbing my hand and dragging it onto his lap as if for safekeeping. His stepdad continues beaming at us.