If You Were Mine Page 27

  Although thinking about that only reminds me of the reason behind his sudden visit. And since I don’t really want to discuss JT with my brother, I decide to tackle that issue instead.

  “So where’s Beverly been all this time?” I can’t even call her Mom. She isn’t my mother. She walked away from that responsibility more than a decade ago. In fact, I never thought I’d see that woman again. It’s strange to think that she’s back after all this time and wants to be a part of our lives again.

  What exactly does she expect?

  That she can pick up right where she left off?

  That we’re going to just welcome her back into our lives with open arms?

  I almost snort.

  Because that is so not going to happen.

  In fact, I can’t even begin to imagine it. That’s how far-fetched the notion is.

  I guess what surprises me most is that Cullum is even willing to entertain the idea of having a relationship with her. Out of the three of us, he had the toughest time adjusting to her absence. You might assume that I would have been the one to suffer most because I was the only girl in a house full of men, but that wasn’t the case at all. Even though Liam stepped up and took responsibility when our father couldn’t, Cullum is the one who ended up working full time while he was still in high school just so we could scrape together enough money to pay the bills. Life wasn’t easy for him.

  And for a long time, he was pissed off about that.

  Most of the time, I think he still is.

  Cullum sighs. It’s a deflated sound that comes from deep within. “Just around, I guess.”

  Even though there’s nothing funny about his answer, I can’t help but laugh. “Just around, huh? Awesome.”

  Cullum slowly lowers himself onto the wooden lounger next to me. For a long, quiet moment, we simply stare at the crystal-clear water of the pool as it rocks gently beneath the breeze.

  “What does she want?” Because she must want something from us. Why else would she bother showing back up more than a decade later?

  That’s when I feel the weight of his stare fall on me. “She wants a chance to get to know you again.”

  And just like that, everything within me shuts down. I shake my head. “It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?”

  “It doesn’t have to be.”

  This time, when the words slide off my lips, I turn my head until my eyes can skewer his. “I disagree. I think it’s much too late for her to simply pop back into our lives and expect that we’ve just been sitting around, waiting for her to return.”

  “She doesn’t think that, Claire.”

  I shrug before reaching for the bottle of water. All of a sudden, my throat is parched. It’s starting to ache. Unscrewing the cap, I bring the bottle to my lips before guzzling down a third of the icy cold liquid.

  It does nothing to make me feel better.

  “Well, I wouldn’t know what she thinks, because I was just ten years old when she walked out of my life.” Even though it’s not necessarily true, I add, “I barely remember the woman.”

  “I remember her.” His softly spoken words leave me feeling gutted. I want to reach out and take him into my arms. But I don’t. Unable to hold his penetrating gaze, I shift my eyes back to the water. It just seems safer that way.

  “She really wants to see you, Claire.”

  “Well, sorry to disappoint, but I have enough going on in my life right now. I don’t need to complicate it any further by opening myself up to her again.”

  The woman certainly has some nerve showing up out of the blue. She leaves when I’m just a kid and then wants to waltz back in eleven years later like nothing ever happened?

  No. Sorry. It doesn’t work that way.

  “Would JT Higgins be one of those complications?”

  Rather than answer him, I compress my lips into a tight flat line.

  Undeterred by my silence, he continues rather blithely, “I know something’s going on between you two. Liam may be fooled, but I’m not. I see the way he looks at you.” Leaning towards me, he bumps my shoulder with his broader one before adding quietly, “And I see the way you look at him in return.”

  Sighing, I mutter, “I don’t really want to talk about it, Cullum. Whatever was going on,” which is by no means an admission, “isn’t anymore. So you don’t have to worry about me getting involved with him.” Forcing out those words feels surprisingly more painful than I expect them to.

  “Who says I’m worried?”

  My eyes snap back to his. One brow is cocked as he continues holding my gaze.

  “The night you arrived,” I trail off before adding, “it seemed like you were trying to keep us apart.”

  He puffs up his already broad chest. “I’m your big brother, Claire. I’m supposed to keep guys away from you.” He gives me a look as if to say- duh. “It’s kind of my job.”

  I can only blink at that.

  “Plus,” he shrugs, “the media has made him out to be some kind of douchebag player.” His expression immediately sobers. “That’s not exactly the kind of guy you should be getting involved with.”

  I shake my head trying to understand exactly where he’s going with this conversation. “Are you saying that you’ve changed your mind about him?”

  Looking thoughtful, he finally shrugs. “Maybe. I guess from what I’ve observed in the past couple of days, it kind of seems like he cares about you.” He beams a crooked-looking half-smile in my direction. “He certainly took care of the asshole you were involved with.”

  Sucking in a breath, I rub my eyes with my fingers.

  Ryan…

  Labeling him as an asshole is being overly generous in my opinion.

  Thankfully Cullum still doesn’t know everything that happened between us. My older brother would probably kill him. That being said, I would dearly love to strangle Ryan myself. He’s been all over the media.

  Giving his delusional side of the story.

  Playing up the injured victim part.

  It pisses me off just thinking about it.

  I can only shake my head and wonder for about the millionth time how I could have been so wrong about him. I’ve known Ryan for three years, and he’s always been nice. Not once did I ever suspect that he would try forcing himself on me. Or that he would hurtle such vicious words at me like he did at the restaurant. And now he’s taking advantage of the situation with JT to get notoriety in the press.

  It’s disgusting.

  I hate to admit it, but JT was completely right about him.

  JT…

  I feel like for the first time in weeks, he’s completely backed off. I haven’t heard one word from him since I packed up my stuff from his place with Cullum and Liam looking on.

  And the press… they’re happily tearing him apart right now. I hate that I did this to him. He wouldn’t have been at the restaurant, wouldn’t have gotten into a fight with Ryan, if it hadn’t been for me.

  “Do you care about him?”

  Tired of lying to my family about my relationship with JT, I finally admit for the first time out loud, “Yeah, I do.” No matter what happens, it feels good to finally come clean.

  At least to one person.

  “Then what are you going to do about it, Claire? Because you kind of shit all over the guy when all he was trying to do was protect you.”

  I stare at Cullum for just a moment because he’s right. Instead of telling everyone the truth when all hell was breaking loose, I continued lying.

  To JT.

  To my brothers.

  To myself.

  Maybe I was afraid of admitting that I’d fallen for JT. Maybe I was afraid that he wouldn’t feel the same way and that I would only end up getting hurt again. I mean, we are talking about JT Higgins here. He’s not exactly a shining example of monogamy or relationship longevity.

  Feeling confused, I finally sigh. “I don’t know.”

  Leaning towards me, Cullum lays a big hand across m
y leg. My eyes immediately shoot to his in question. When he has my undivided attention, he finally murmurs, “You’re a smart girl, Claire Elizabeth Garrison. You’ll figure out what’s best. You always do.” Then he gives me a little wink along with a cheeky grin before adding, “You didn’t get this far by being a dumbass.”

  Even though there’s absolutely nothing funny about what we’ve been talking about, I can’t help but hoist my lips, giving him a small smile in return. I appreciate his vote of confidence, but it doesn’t necessarily help me. Because really, there are only two directions I can move in.

  One- I put all this behind me and forget about JT Higgins and what we’ve shared. We do exactly what we agreed upon from the onset and go our separate ways.

  Or two- I tell him everything I’ve only now come to realize. That I care about him. More than I ever thought possible. Which really means that I put my heart in JT’s big hands and hope he doesn’t crush it.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Claire

  I’m not going to lie- it took a couple of days for me to finally work up the courage to come here. Fine, fine… I’ll admit that I dragged my feet, hoping that maybe JT would reach out first so I didn’t have to be the one to do it.

  But that hasn’t happened.

  And the more time that slipped by, the more I realized that I couldn’t just walk away from him.

  So here I am, leaning ever so casually against his silver little Porsche in the nearly empty parking lot. It’s just about three o’clock in the afternoon. Practice should be wrapping up any minute now. The more time that slowly slips by, the more my nerves start to fray. Which then has me wondering why I ever came up with this cockamamie plan in the first place. Maybe I should just go home.

  But it feels much too late to turn tail and run at this point.

  Plus, I kind of don’t want to.

  I need to do this.

  I need to tell JT exactly how I feel about him. And if it doesn’t turn out the way I had hoped it might… well then… I tried. Right? I put myself out there for someone I truly cared about.

  Know what?

  This is probably the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

  At this very moment, my heart is thundering almost painfully in my chest, and my mouth feels dry and cottony. There’s also a small swarm of butterflies trying to wing their way to life inside the confines of my belly.

  So yeah… this sucks.

  Big time.

  But oddly enough, it feels exhilarating as well. Because I’m going after what I want. And what I want is JT.

  After ten more agonizing minutes, guys finally start trickling out of the stadium. Recognizing me, a few wave before calling out hello. I’ve been around for over three years now. So even without Liam, they know who I am. More than a couple of them see just whose car I’m leaning up against and shake their heads before giving me big, toothy grins.

  “Hey, maybe we should stick around so we can watch Higgins get the shit kicked out of him.”

  “Not like I haven’t wanted to do it myself a time or two.”

  “Tell JT that it was nice knowing him.”

  “Guess we’ll be looking for a new defensive end after Garrison gets a hold of him.”

  “Claire, you trying to get Higgins killed?”

  The more guys that walk past, giving me sly looks, yelling out smartass comments, the more jacked up I get. Just as I’m considering the merits of jumping back into my car and getting the hell out of here, is precisely when I catch my first glimpse of long blond hair. Even though he’s about eighty feet from me, I feel the exact moment his eyes collide with mine because his feet grind to a halt for just a moment or two before he’s once again moving towards me.

  Unable to help myself, my eyes coast over his long lean body, taking in the navy T-shirt stretched tautly across his broad shoulders and wide chest. The way the cottony sleeves hug his bulging biceps leaves me nearly swooning. Have I mentioned just how much I love that man’s arms? Even though it’s only been a few days since I last laid eyes on him, it feels like forever. We spent the last couple of weeks getting to know one another. Falling asleep in each other’s arms. Exploring each other’s bodies.

  And I miss it.

  I miss him.

  More than I even realized until this moment.

  When JT is no more than five or six feet away from me, he stops. Not once do his eyes waver from mine. The intensity of them has every single thought suddenly fleeing from my head. I came here with a plan in mind. A whole speech worked out.

  And now… now I can’t remember a single word of it.

  When I remain silent, just standing there like some kind of statue, my fingers twisting together nervously in front of me, one of his dark blond eyebrows slowly slinks upwards in obvious question.

  Rather inarticulately, I blurt out the only thing my mind is able to grasp onto. “I’m sorry, JT.”

  Well, it’s definitely not the long-winded speech I had mentally rehearsed, but it’s what truly lies in my heart.

  I am sorry.

  Sorry that I hurt him.

  It had never been my intention.

  Eyes still piercing mine, JT silently cocks his head to the side. His blond hair gets ruffled by the gentle fall breeze blowing through the nearly empty parking lot. In that moment, all I want to do is close the distance separating us and run my fingers through the long golden strands.

  A week ago, that’s exactly what I would have done. I wouldn’t have even thought twice about reaching out and touching him. But so much has changed between us.

  “What are you sorry for?”

  “For lying to Liam and Cullum about our relationship. For keeping it hidden.” I pause, hoping he’ll jump in and save me from my awkward verbal fumblings, but he doesn’t. “And I’m sorry for not being honest with you about how I was feeling.”

  His words are softly spoken when he finally asks, “And how do you feel about me?”

  I suck in a great big breath knowing that I need to push out the words. Whether he breaks my heart or not, I need to tell him the truth. “I went into this arrangement just wanting to get rid of my virginity. At the time, I didn’t want it meaning anything more than that.” My eyes stay latched onto his, trying to gauge his reaction. But I can’t. His gaze is completely shuttered. I have no idea what he’s thinking. “But that’s not what happened. Even though I didn’t want to, I fell for you.” I pause before admitting, “Whatever this is between us, I don’t want it to end. I don’t want us to be over.”

  There.

  It may not be poetic or well spoken, but it’s exactly how I feel.

  When he remains silent, a huge, painful lump settles in the middle of my throat, and everything inside me sinks to the bottom of my toes. Instead of telling me what I want to hear, what I so desperately need to hear, he reaches out, grabbing one of my hands before slowly towing me towards him until his arms are able to wrap their way around me, until I find myself all but crushed against his massive chest. Then he’s dropping a light kiss on the top of my head before I’m lifting my chin so that I’m once again able to meet his green-eyed gaze.

  “You and me, we’re not over, Claire. Not by a long shot. I was just trying to give you a little bit of space. Some time to think things through, that’s all.”

  Those words have all my rigidly held muscles turning to mush. Thankfully he’s holding me tightly against him, or I think I would collapse into a puddle on the pavement.

  “You kind of left me hanging there for a moment,” I mutter.

  Leaning down, he smacks a quick kiss against my lips. A sexy little smile hovers around the edges of his lips. “I needed you to finally open up and tell me how you were feeling. Because honestly, I had no idea. At every turn, you let me know that what we had was just sex. That you were moving out and moving on as soon as I took your virginity. So yeah, I was hoping that it wasn’t true… but I didn’t know.”

  His words leave me feeling like a complete ass. Because h
e’s right, that’s exactly what I was doing. “I’m sorry about that. I think I was just trying to protect myself. I didn’t want to end up getting hurt. Again.”

  “I know, baby, I know. Trust me when I say that I’ll do everything within my power not to hurt you.” Using his fingers, he lifts my chin until his eyes are able to impale mine. “You know that, right? For three years, it’s been you. Now that I actually have a real chance at making this work between us, there’s no way in hell I’m going to blow it.”

  With those words, his lips crash down on mine. And then I’m lost. To everything around us. To every thought in my head. All that matters is JT and the fact that I’m once again in his arms. Where I belong.

  After a few minutes- or maybe ten- I have no idea, we finally break apart when we hear someone clearing their throat. Turning at the same time, we find Liam standing with his tattooed arms crossed over his chest. I bite my lower lip as my brother’s narrowed gaze slowly bounces between the pair of us.

  Instead of waiting for JT to explain the situation, I jump right in, doing what I should have done from the very beginning when I first realized that I was starting to have feelings for JT.

  Turning towards my brother, I say, “I lied to you, Liam and I’m sorry for that. JT and I have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks now.” I gulp in a big breath before slowly pushing out the rest. “And we’re going to continue seeing one another.”

  For a long, drawn-out moment, Liam doesn’t utter a sound. I have no clue how he’s going to react to what I’ve just said. He’s always been so protective of me. I know it’s because he loves me. And I appreciate it, I really do. As a family, we’ve always been close. But he can’t continue trying to shield me from everything. Apprehension prickles in the pit of my belly as I nervously wait for his response.

  “Okay.”

  My mouth drops open in astonishment. Here I had been bracing myself for a massive fight, and there’s… nothing.

  Absolutely nothing.

  I have to admit, it all feels a little anti-climactic.

  “Okay?” Eyes wide, I slowly shake my head. “That’s it? No screaming or yelling?” I jerk my thumb towards JT. “Or pummeling the shit out of him?”