The Boy Next Door Page 23

Alyssa’s gaze returns to the phone I’m clenching in my hand. “She wants to meet with you.”

  A pit of nausea forms in my gut. I have no idea if I’m ready to come face-to-face with Candace. Quite honestly, I can’t imagine ever being prepared for that scenario. What would I say?

  Hey, how are you?

  How’s the fam?

  Why did you throw me away like a piece of garbage and start fresh?

  I wince at the last thought.

  When I remain silent, she asks, “This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

  I plow a hand through my hair and focus on the trees that dot the landscape surrounding us. The picturesque setting with all its greenery, red-brick buildings, and thick ivy that clings to the walls isn’t enough to distract me. Already leaves are falling to the ground, creating a carpet of gold and red. “I don’t know.” I hesitate before adding, “Part of me is sorry that I ever looked her up.”

  Alyssa takes a moment to digest that bit of information before whispering, “You don’t have to take this any further. You can change your mind.” Her fingers tighten around mine. “You don’t owe this woman anything.”

  How sad is that? The woman we’re talking about happens to be my mother. Biologically speaking, anyway.

  All this has done is dredge up even more turmoil. The hurt and pain of her abandonment is like a living, breathing entity that has taken up residence inside my body. It’s yet another realization that the memories and damage she inflicted have held me captive for way too long. Candace might have walked out of my life more than sixteen years ago, but she’s still controlling it as if she were here beside me, and I’m tired of it.

  Tired of her holding all that power over my life.

  There has to be a way to exorcise these demons. What scares me most is that I might not be able to put the past behind me and move forward. Maybe it’s too late. Maybe these feelings are too entrenched. I never dealt with the havoc Candace wreaked inside me. Honestly, I thought if I crammed it down deep enough, I would eventually forget about it. Guess the jokes on me—that never occurred. And I’ve been paying the consequences ever since.

  When I was younger, Jenna would broach the subject of counseling every so often, and I’d scoff at not only her, but the idea of crying on some random stranger’s shoulder about the bullshit in my past. I couldn’t see how my mother walking out on me when I was a kid could have long-term effects on my future or happiness.

  Turns out that it has.

  I have no idea if counseling could have saved me from some of the heartache I’ve inflicted on to myself by not dealing with these issues, but it sure as hell couldn’t have hurt.

  “You’re right, I don’t owe her anything, but maybe I owe it to myself,” I grudgingly admit.

  “Whatever you decide,” Alyssa says, leaning against my shoulder and holding me tight, “I’ll be here for you.”

  Little does she realize that those words feel like a lifeline right now. In order to move forward and have a fighting chance at a relationship with Alyssa, I need to break free from my past.

  And meeting with Candace is the only way to achieve that.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Colton

  Why couldn’t I have left well enough alone?

  I was perfectly content living my life.

  All right, so maybe perfectly content is something of an overstatement, but it was all good.

  I sit behind the wheel of my BMW in a parking space in front of the coffee shop somewhere in the middle of where we both live. The only person who knows I’m here is Alyssa. I couldn’t bring myself to tell Dad or Jenna. They probably would have tried to talk me out of it. Well, maybe not Jenna. I think she would have understood. But Dad?

  Definitely not. Even though he loves his wife more than anything, he’s still salty about the way Candace walked out of our lives without ever looking back.

  As I stare at the weathered cream-colored brick building with a worn wooden sign hanging over the door, I’m kind of wishing I would have given them the opportunity to change my mind. This is the last place I want to be. And yet, I can’t bring myself to turn the key in the ignition and drive away. I’m stuck.

  Frozen in place.

  Instead of exiting the vehicle, I grab my cell from the seat next to me and hit the contact at the top of my list. A few seconds later, the phone rings.

  And rings.

  Just as I’m about to hit disconnect, a breathless voice comes over the line. “Hello?”

  I clear all of the emotion that has welled up in my throat and try to keep my tone deceivingly light. “Hey.”

  “Hi, sweetie.” Her voice warms as if she’s pleased that I called. “How are you?”

  “Good.” That’s a lie, but I can’t bring myself to tell Jenna the truth even though it sits perched at the tip of my tongue, waiting to burst free.

  There’s a pause. I can almost hear the wheels turning in her head. That little frown she gets when she’s attempting to figure out the truth. Looks like calling her was just as lousy of an idea as agreeing to meet up with Candace. I’m on a real roll today.

  “Are you sure?” she questions carefully. “You sound strange. Like there’s something on your mind you want to talk about.”

  That’s the thing about Jenna, she’s always been perceptive—especially where I’m concerned. I might not be her own flesh and blood, but she’s highly attuned to my feelings and moods. Sometimes more than what I’m comfortable with.

  Instead of coming clean, I force out a chuckle. “Nah, it’s all good. I had a little time to kill between classes and thought I’d check-in and see how everything’s going. It’s been a couple of days since we’ve talked.”

  “You’re so sweet.” Some of her concern falls away. “You’re lucky that you caught me when the kids are at music.”

  Right. I forgot that she’s in the middle of her workday.

  “Oh, sorry. Should I let you go?” Jenna is probably knee-deep grading papers and doesn’t have time for my bullshit.

  “Of course not,” she says with a laugh. It’s a soft, tinkling sound that washes over me, immediately settling something deep inside. “You know that I love talking to you—even if it’s only for a few minutes. I know you don’t live far, but I’m looking forward to you moving back and working for your father. Then you can pop home any time you want. Or we can grab lunch.”

  That does sound nice. I’ve enjoyed my years at Wesley, but it’s getting old if you can believe that. I’m ready to graduate and move on. I know some people don’t feel that way. They want to cling to the party lifestyle. A few of my teammates actually toyed with the idea of coming back for a fifth year. Until their parents put the kibosh on that.

  “So, what do you have going on for the rest of the day?”

  I blink back to the present and stare at the coffee house in front of me. “Oh, you know. Class. Practice.” I gulp. “I’ll probably hit the library later and study for a test.”

  “Sounds like college,” she says with a laugh.

  Yup.

  When I remain silent, she asks, “Are you sure nothing is bothering you?”

  “It’s all good.” I feel like crap for lying to her. If there’s one person I try to keep it real with, it’s Jenna. She’s never judged me for anything. Not that she didn’t hold my feet to the fire when I screwed up, but she was always there, no matter what.

  Clearly, I can’t say that about everyone.

  I squeeze my eyes closed, allowing the sound of her soft, melodic voice to comfort me. There are two women who hold importance in my life, and this is one of them. Alyssa is the other. It wasn’t until she left the summer of our junior year that I realized how spectacularly I fucked up our relationship.

  It’s almost as if Jenna can sense the direction of my thoughts. “We really enjoyed meeting Alyssa last week.” There’s a pause. “Any chance we’ll be seeing more of her?”

  A smile tugs at the corners of my lips. “I hope so.”

 
“Good. I’ll talk to your father, and we’ll set something up soon.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” I glance at the digital clock on the dash and realize that it’s ten minutes past the appointed time Candace and I agreed to meet up. “I should probably get moving.”

  “All right. I’m glad you called. Love you.”

  A thick lump settles in the middle of my throat as I parrot the sentiment back to her, meaning every single word. “Love you, too.”

  I hit disconnect and pocket the phone before grabbing my keys. It takes everything I have inside to force myself from the safety of the BMW. I grab a few coins from my pocket, adding them to the parking meter before traversing the sidewalk and climbing the thick, cement steps.

  As I pull open the door and step inside the shop, air gets wedged in my throat. My gaze coasts over the tables crammed together in the tiny space. There are a few couches and chairs situated around a coffee table. Bright artwork decorates the walls, and alternative rock plays in the background. The atmosphere has a hip vibe to it, which makes sense since most of the patrons look young—early twenties or so. This is definitely an artsy crowd.

  It’s only when my lungs begin to burn, do I realize that I’m holding my breath. It escapes from my lips in a rush as I decide on a plan of action. No one here looks over the age of thirty.

  Even though I’m late, she’s later. Or maybe she changed her mind and decided to pull another disappearing act.

  How ironic would that be?

  Instead of grabbing a drink, I head to a lone table parked in the back and settle on a chair that faces the door. Nerves skitter along my flesh as I slip the phone from my pocket and open the home screen.

  I’m giving it another ten minutes, and then I’m out of here. I’ve already wasted enough of my time on this—on her. If Candace failing to show up to a meeting that she requested isn’t closure, then I don’t know what is.

  I drum my fingertips against the scratched wood surface, wishing Alyssa were here with me. She’d offered to make the trip, and I’d turned her down flat. That’s a decision I now regret. She’s the one person who is able to settle all the chaos raging inside me.

  Every time the door opens and the little bell above it chimes, I have a whiplash moment where everything inside freezes, only to realize that it’s not her. Tension spirals through me as I shift on my chair before glancing at my phone again.

  Twenty-five minutes late.

  Why is this even a surprise? I should have expected her to flake.

  You know what?

  I refuse to sit around and wait for a woman who walked out of my life when I was five-years-old. If I didn’t realize it before, I certainly do now—I shouldn’t have looked her up or contacted her in the first place. It was an error in judgment. As I make my way to my feet, the door opens, and in breezes a blonde woman with lavender highlights and large sunglasses that cover her face. She’s tall and willowy.

  Just like I remember. Minus the highlights.

  My mouth turns cottony.

  Her gaze sweeps over the space until locking on mine. She pauses. Even though I’m unable to catch a glimpse of her eyes hidden behind the dark lenses, I can almost feel the way they slide over me. My breath becomes wedged in my throat as my heartbeat picks up its pace, pounding painfully against my ribcage. She glides through the tiny establishment, skirting around tables until finally arriving in front of me. For the first time in sixteen years, she’s close enough to reach out and touch. Resisting the temptation, I tighten my fingers into fists.

  There’s a moment of hesitation. “Colton?”

  That voice.

  Deep and comforting. It reminds me of burrowing under a warm blanket on a cold night.

  My throat closes up, making speech impossible. I jerk my head into a terse nod. There is so much tension filling the air that it feels like the atmosphere could shatter into a million jagged pieces.

  When I remain mute, she advances a tentative step, closing the distance between us. “Would it be all right if I give you a hug?”

  The question breaks the strange paralysis that has fallen over me. “Yes.” The word is blurted out before I can give it more thought.

  Another step brings her close enough to slide her arms around my body. Even though I try to remain aloof, I find myself hugging her tight and burying my nose in the thick strands of her hair. I squeeze my eyes shut and inhale, shocked to realize that she smells exactly the same as she did in my childhood. It’s difficult not to tumble backward into the memories of the past.

  They’re like a wave crashing over me as I’m inundated with images I’d long forgotten about. Time becomes irrelevant. I have no idea how long we stand there and embrace as her warmth seeps into my body. All I know is that it feels good. Good enough to assuage some of the pain that has been part of me since she walked out of my life.

  When we break apart, her fingers trail over my arm before tangling with mine. I stare down at the physical connection—the one she’s initiating. Even as we slide onto our chairs, our hands stay linked together.

  She pulls off her sunglasses and gazes at me from across the small, round table that separates us as if trying to catalog every minute detail before committing them to memory. “I can’t believe how handsome you’ve become. But then again, you always were an adorable child.” She reaches out and traces her fingers along the curve of my cheek before they settle on my chin. I remain mute as she turns my face one way and then carefully the other. It’s so tempting to close my eyes and sink into the warmth of her touch, but I’m afraid to do that. I’m afraid if I blink—even for a second—she’ll disappear, and this will end up being nothing more than a hazy dream that I’ll wake from.

  “It’s so good to see you again,” she says. “I’m glad you reached out.”

  My head bobs as I frantically search for something to say, but nothing comes to mind. I have no idea where to start. This woman is my mother. My flesh and blood. Her name is on my birth certificate. She cared for me during those first five years. And yet, she’s nothing more than a stranger. As much as I wish it didn’t, this feels...awkward.

  “I’ve thought about reaching out for a while,” she says, breaking the silence. “Thank you for taking that first step.”

  I shift on my seat. “No problem.”

  Her fingers tighten around my hand. “I’ve thought about you so much over the years, but I was afraid to contact you. I didn’t want to disrupt your life.”

  My heart constricts painfully. “You wouldn’t have.” Maybe if she had reached out, I wouldn’t have spent all these years walking around, thinking there was something wrong with me. I wouldn’t have felt abandoned. I wouldn’t have pushed away the people who only wanted to love me.

  She clears her throat and blinks back the wetness that fills her eyes. “Tell me everything. Catch me up.”

  Once I start talking, I can’t stop. It all pours out in a rush of words. I give her the Spark Notes version of my life. From elementary school through college, along with my plans for the future. Instead of being straight with her about my feelings, I gloss over the hurt and pain she inflicted. Candace sits quietly across from me, squeezing my hand every so often to let me know she’s paying attention. The longer I talk, the more my muscles loosen.

  “I heard your father remarried some time ago.”

  “He did,” I admit cautiously, “when I was seven.”

  “And his wife, did she treat you well?”

  “Yes.” As much as I want to tell her that I couldn’t have asked for a better stepmother than Jenna, I’m afraid to say too much. I don’t want to ruin the fragile moment unfolding between us. This is going so much better than I expected. I want it to continue. I want to spend more time with her. I want her to share all the details of her life with me. I want to soak up enough to make the sixteen years of silence between us disappear.

  Is that even possible?

  Her lips tilt at the corners. “I’m glad. It’s a relief to know that you wer
e well cared for and loved.” Her gaze drops to our clasped hands. “Part of what kept me from reaching out is that I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to forgive me for leaving the way I did.”

  The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them. “Of course, I forgive you. I,” my tongue darts out to moisten my lips, “I just want to get to know you. I want to make up for lost time.”

  Instead of answering, she squeezes my fingers before opening up and telling me all about her art and family. I dredge my memory for every little detail, wanting her to know that she was never forgotten even though we weren’t in contact all these years.

  When I glance at my phone on the table, I’m surprised to realize that two hours have slipped by. As much as I don’t want to cut this reunion short, I need to get back for practice, or Coach will have my ass, and I can’t afford for that to happen. Not with the way I’ve been playing.

  But I can’t walk away from her without having another date firmly set in place. I need to know that we’re going to see each other again. Sooner rather than later. “When will I be able to meet your husband and kids?”

  Leif and Surrey. A half brother and sister. It’s so weird to think that I have siblings out there. Up until last week, I was an only child. There were times when I was growing up that I desperately wanted siblings. Hell, I would have been content if Jenna and Dad had popped out a few kiddos. They tried for a couple of years and went the fertility drug route, but nothing worked. It would be kind of cool to pick up Candace’s kids on a weekend and take them to the movies or amusement park. Maybe Alyssa can come with. We can get to know them together. She can be part of this new phase taking place in my life.

  I almost shake my head.

  Is this really happening?

  It seems almost too good to be true.

  “Oh.” Candace pins her lower lip with her teeth as her gaze flickers away. “I’m not sure. That might not be possible.”

  Some of the pretty façade in my head falls away as I crash back to earth with a painful thud. I straighten on my seat. “Why not?”